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Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
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12:09 am - Drawing Samples
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Since I don't know how to post them at the other place I'm going to put them here. As some my know I've decided to try my hand at drawing again, get the creative juices that once flowed running again. I have a long way to go yet before there will ever be people knocking down my door for commissions but still it's fun, and the kids enjoy it too. ( Read more... )
current mood:  creative
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| Saturday, January 8th, 2005
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9:22 pm - Worst Feeling in the World
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Is the loss of trust, I try to reason out how it could have happened. I've always answered questions I'm asked honestly. I see no other way to. I can't seem to stop my tears, everything I've held dear this past year. Every attempt to show I care. All the tears I've cried for friend I still hold so dear. Someone used me in their cruel game, and what I know of the mind it was used on, I fear I may have lost all hope. How can it come to this? How can it all boil down to this? I have never once thought ill of my friend. I gave space, I gave love, I gave hope, I gave friendship, I gave trust, I gave tears, I gave anger, I gave prayers, I gave wishes. I will continue to give all of that, I'm prepared to. All I wanted and want for my friend is to find what he was searching for. Be it love, a home, success, piece of mind.
I can't let that deranged simpleton win. I won't. My friend should know me better than that. I fought before and I will not lay down and face defeat. As I believe my friend shouldn't either. With everything I've been through for that friend, why should I give up now? I said No Matter What and I meant it. There are times I may not know what to say, there are times I may not know what to do. There are times I'll make the wrong decision, but I will not intentionally hurt a friend. Seriously, think about it. I have a hard time talking anything bad about Meldon, and that man took me from me. I will not let someone take my friends from me again, after everything I have regained there is no way. If there is a problem I want to know about it. I want to be able to fix it.
If you trust nothing, else trust this, trust US........It was our motto or has that been forgotten.
current mood:  determined
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| Sunday, January 2nd, 2005
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1:25 pm - Errors Of my Ways
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Someone brought it to my attention, that there is possibly others that don't know me lurking around that like to read my thoughts. Not something that really occurred to me, yeah I lack giving myself credit sometimes but don't we all?
Like to say sorry for not considering such a thing and realizing that if ya don't know me how in the world are you to email me.(Dah get myself a clue) Right, so here it is.
http://snowangelsheaven.blogspot.com/
For some reason I feel I've just made it way too easy. But alas what can one do? Don't try and answer that. :P
current mood:  Shameful
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| Saturday, January 1st, 2005
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12:01 pm - A Year in a Week Day 7
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New Years Resolutions
1. Get my Divorced Finalized
2. Quit Smoking
3. Try something new
4. Go on a trip
I've been doing a bit of foreshadowing in the last few posts, if ya have not caught onto it I'm going to explain now. There are three that know what I'm talking about, they protested about it, but I've made my decision and I'm going to stand by it. This is my last post here. But it is not the end, see my service provider offers web space with their internet service, and email. That'd I'd like to put use for a collection of my poetry. I've been trying to work out my account but they tell me I'm already registered. That I must login with my id and pass which they have failed to give me or clue me into what it is. So I have to wait till monday during their business hours and give em a jingle. I have set up a temp blog elsewhere for the time being. I had set one up at tripod but I found the ads to be annoying and I can't do that to ya all. ;)
So if ya's would like the new spot please send a request via email, or catch me online sometime. Love ya's all!
current mood:  listless
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| Friday, December 31st, 2004
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1:43 pm - A Year in a Week Day 6
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Today as we slowly creep into the new year, I think of all the friends I have. How they each touched me in some way or another. As we head into the New Year, I like to think of it as one chapter closing and a new starting. I hope and pray things in the New Year will be great for them all.
Jules and Nash(psst Nash thanks hun I got ya package last night, it means alot to me.) You two have stuck by me in some pretty tough times, I know at times I had to have gotten pretty annoying. I've learned alot about friendship through the both of you. I promised ya Nash we'd always be friends, and that still stands. Jules quite frankly my dear it's been two years already and I sure hope it'll last till the end of days.
Jeff and Dawn, I'm so glad ya two met. It makes me smile when I talk to the both of ya in the evenings. Even though half my side of the convo's is just nodding my head and smiling at Jeff I'm clueless as to what he's talking about, rendering, demos, filtering, big web space.......could ya repeat that all? ;)
Paul, I've enjoyed talking with ya about coding, white oreos, and storyboards. Ya were more of a help than ya realized back in the vb .net days of school. Thanks Again for your help.
Will ya taught me how to find strength with in myself to break my chains. Yeah yeah I know ya wouldn't take the credit, but I know what ya did for me, and will be forever grateful.
Pound and Shelly,(pss shelly pass it on to pound) Ya two are wonderful what more can I say. I know we don't talk as much as we might have used to, but I still luvs ya both oodles.
Silk ya cartoon life stories have entertained me many of times, ya have such a great personality, and killer humor. Miss ya girl and luv ya lots.
Pervy Uncle Jamie.......what's there to say other than you had damn well better get up north to visit your neice. ;)
Thank You all for being there it has really meant a lot to me. Love ya all and See ya in the New Chapter. :)
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| Thursday, December 30th, 2004
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7:22 pm - A Year in a Week Day 5
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Ya know I'm thinking I labeled the days Backwards, Should have been a count down. Plus I think I'm running out of things to write about.
I would like to talk about my poetry, and how I've seen it grow this year. I've added about forty poems to my data bank in the last year though some have been lost due to unfortunate events. Lately I've been reading through a lot of them over and over. Each time I do these feelings overwhelm me, recollections maybe of things of past experience, realizing that dreams do come true,(And I don't mean the ones ya have at night) not quite sure at times. I know my writings can be confusing at times, but I know what I'm getting at. I know others can too if they try. Someone told me that as long as it stirs something deeper, makes one think, if they have to read it more than once, It is art, and it has served it's purpose. Though I don't think they meant by the author themselves. Sentimentalism maybe...sigh.
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10:53 am - I don't know why I find this funny
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Okay so last night I decided to check out my bulk mail folder and I found an odd email in there, from someone claiming to be Intercontinental J. Violinist. Subject line said Gamete, their wasn't any attachment so I was curious as to what was inside. I opened it and all it said was conservationist. It had me quite puzzled so I decided to look up the meaning of Gamete. This is what I found.......
Gametes also known as sex cells, germ cells, or spores are the specialized cells that come together during fertilization (conception) in organisms that reproduce sexually. In those species that produce two morphologically distinct types of gametes, and in which a particular individual produces only one type, "females" of the species produce the larger gamete called an ovum (or egg) and "males" produce the smaller gamete termed (in animals) a spermatozoon (or sperm). The equivalent "male" structure in higher plants is called a pollen grain. Organs that produce gametes are called gonads in animals, and archegonia or antheridia in plants.
So everyone from now on call me the Gamete conservationist, it caused a right giggle. Someone seems to think I am somewhere.
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| Wednesday, December 29th, 2004
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9:27 pm - A Year in a Week Day 4
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Tonight is the night of Independence, finding a place and moving the kids and me out of my mother's two bedroom apartment. Nice as it was, we really needed more room and my mother was driving me batty. ( Read more... )
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| Tuesday, December 28th, 2004
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8:07 pm - A Year in a Week Day 3
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First job I had in almost three years other than the full time mom and student. I started out in collections for this printing company, they had just made the position and really weren't prepared for it. I got a phone and a stack of paper and had to call people and tell them their bill was past due. How lame is that.
About two weeks into the Collections position I get a call seeing if I was still interested in the position at the bank. I was torn at first between giving the collection position a bit more time or taking the job I had previous experience in and that I really liked and that would pay me more with benefits. So naturally I was motivated by what greed maybe, or the need to support my children. A very thin line indeed.
I feel now that I'm useful, that I'm needed somewhere, I'm part of something important. Each time they gave me new duties to do there the more my confidence grew. I've meet some really great people while working there. I think I'll be staying there for awhile. :)
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| Monday, December 27th, 2004
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7:52 pm - A Year in a Week Day 2
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A great accomplishment for me was graduating with an Associates in Accounting. I had always wanted to further my education, but we had always moved around so much, wasn't in a place long enough for me to get registered, find daycare and keep my sanity. But I managed, I would like to go back sometime and continue my studies. There's so much out there to learn yet. I'm thinking about taking a class or two in the fall again. Just so I don't get too out of practice.
I think going back to school was a turning point for me along a lot of lines. First step in gaining back some confidence in myself. How did Mr. G put it? investing in self equity, the more you learn and put into school the more your self worth, the more you will be able to earn out in the the job market. Yeah yeah the economic teachers. hehe
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| Sunday, December 26th, 2004
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9:02 pm - A Year in a Week Day 1
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Over this week my posts are going to be looking back over the year as a whole and pin pointing some memorable moments, things learned and new dreams hatched. I do warn you though some of it might get sad as I try to explain.
The biggest thing I think would be gaining my freedom. Finally realizing I didn't need Meldon, I could manage on my own. I still find it hard to talk about, cause it gets me in a mood. Get upset with myself for letting it happen. It's also gets hard not to blame myself for it getting to the point it did. But as some people helped me in realizing it's all I knew, I didn't have the strength or the outlook to think that it's not the way its suppose to be. It's sad to think that his isolation of me cut me off from having friends, being able to find my voice to start a conversation with someone. I really didn't see the point of getting buddy buddy with someone if I'd not get see them again, thus creating my own barrier. I always felt so small like I couldn't do anything, so helpless. I felt as if I owed him something it was my duty to be there.
It's odd now, knowing that I don't need anyone to do it for me. I'm not saying I don't need anyone, you always need someone to listen, a shoulder to cry on, someone to share accomplishments with, someone to tell you it'll be okay when you do feel the world is crashing in on you. Someone to be your light in the dark, someone who will try to cheer you up, someone who will try to understand, even though you don't think they could ever comprehend what you have been through.
That'd be something else I learned, I always thought it was my problem to deal with. No one else's. Always feared it was selfish to bring my problems to another, but I learned that is not the case. There are people out there that want to be able help, some that might be more hurt by you not sharing your woes. Some one told me once a problem shared is a problem halved, guess I never knew how true those words were till now. Yet there's irony in it as well because the person that told me that same line swears they must walk alone in their path.
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| Saturday, December 25th, 2004
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11:47 pm - Merry Christmas
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Today started with my alarm clock going off at 5:30, I had no clue it was set. I was up, out of bed and making coffee as the kiddies were watching cartoons. Okay so the kids weren't up at 5:30 that's the nice thing about the snooze button but they were up and moving about 6:30. I look at em playing and ask "So who wants to open presents?" It didn't register right away then all of a sudden Payton gets what I'm saying. Then I hear a chours of kids saying "ME!!!!" So we commence with the gift opening round 1. Then we have breakfast and spend the morning playing with the gifts and my trying to clean as we go. :)
At about 11:30 we head to the the big family get together, while everyone else is at Church the kids and I go over to my brother Joey's and help Sam(his gf) get things ready for everyone, last minute tidying, and setting out munchies to hold people over till dinner. The kids were on their best behavior getting to know Sam's Dad, and munchin on cheese and crackers. Soon everyone flitered in and after the hour of visiting, we were to round 2 of the gift opening. It was great seeing everyone gettting along, and all the smiles on their faces. I think this has been the first year that an arguement didn't break out about something trivial. It was a bit much keeping the kids from opening all the toys right away cause we still had the turkey dinner to eat.
Cleaning round 2, 3, and 4......hehe well cleaning after dinner wasn't so bad it was trying to keep the kids gifts from getting lost, and mixed up with others, All in all it was great time. Devin asked if Payton could spend the night I said he could if he wanted to, so Payton is at my sister's and the girls and I finished the trip home. I can't count the number of trips back and forth to the car. But I can say my children are not lacking in the toy department. I also think that it might be wise in the near future to invest in a bit of wood, and see if Jesse will let me make use of his shop when he gets home(still staying at uncle's), so I can make them a toy box to put the toys in.
A bit later my brother's and my sister all stopped out to help me assemble the end tables the coffee table and Payton's new bed frame. It was sweet, after it was done they sat playing connect four. Mind you it's funny watching grown boys get all excited about making a line of four.
I'm getting all misty eyed thinking about today, I remember someone telling me last year after things hadn't had such a pleasant ending that next year's Christmas would be better. They were right.
current mood:  happy
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| Friday, December 24th, 2004
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11:38 pm
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Not much to say really, The girls and I had a fun day making almond bark pretezles. Then we went to town and visited with my father and caught the end of the vikings game. It reminded me of why I don't watch sports.
I also sent an email to a friend I haven't spoke to for...gosh I don't know how long it's been really. Do know it's has been a really long time though. Thought I'd just wish him a Merry Christmas, and let him know I was still alive. Rightly didn't think I'd get a reply back but I did, the same day as a matter of fact. It was odd cause both fell back into the old ways even with the limited amount of interaction. Makes me smile though.
Well it's a very Big day tomorrow so to all you out there I just wanna Say
Merry Christmas!!!
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| Thursday, December 23rd, 2004
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7:58 pm - Childhood Pics
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I was at my sister's today and scanned up some pics from when I was a little girl and one from when I was sixteen, I had no fashion sense then, make note of the twin buns........hehe ( Read more... )
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| Wednesday, December 22nd, 2004
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8:53 pm - What a Day
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Today was a day of some good-bye's and hello's. It started a bit late, but I was in a great mood all day, being an absolute goof-off with Amy at work it was so fun. But it's also sad to think that today was her last day with us, for now. She's heading home to be with family before her big trip over seas to study in Oxford and get a taste of europe as well. I'm soooooo going to miss her but ever so excited for her as well. Amy and I are two peas in a pod, half the time no one knows what we are giggling about. Which makes it even more wonderful. She is going to keep in touch via email I'm glad for that.
And I need to wave At Corey he's on his way to Egypt today, that lucky flipping git. It's only a short trip and at least I can say my camera has been to Egypt, as I let him borrow it. I so hope you have fun Corey and if ya don't read this till ya get back, am I going to have to set up an appointment with you so ya can tell me all about it? Okay and while Corey is gone I'll be taking apps for a replacement bodyguard for my night out any takers???
So the hello's go out one to cute Kurtis who actually got out of his car today and came in the branch to say hello, I think the only reason he did that was cause his automatic windows on his car were frozen being it was eight below fahrenheit not considering the wind chill factor.
And someone I haven't seen in a month, pulled up(well his uncle was driving) as I was letting my car warm up before the drive home. Last time I saw him he was laid up in a hospital bed. I was so excited but was able to contain myself and ever growing urge to give him a crushing hug. I didn't want to hurt him. Yes it was Jesse, he had been christmas shopping and picked up something for the kids and something for me. He asked if I could be bothered with wrapping the gifts for the kids, hehe not one of his fortes if ya get my drift. It was really good to see him, now I can rest my mind that I could see he is okay. :)
And tomorrow I have off from work...........yippee! :)
current mood: giddy
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| Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
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11:51 am - The In Between
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My newest work, dedicated to that pervy Chicken that we all know and love. Oh by the way it was my submission for the book to be publish in London, not that'll ya'll actually find it in any book stores. Hmm that reminds me I must look up a couple publishing houses that I found that do poetry. Well any way what's ya'll been waiting for.(not really but I like to think it)
The In Between
So the other night I gazed upon a beautiful glowing half moon
And wondered to myself.........
.......why we hear of the full and crescent moons and never of the half?
So thy whispering in my ears tell me to relax
And wondered to myself........
.......Why we hear colors of white and black and not the strife of other simple shades?
So forward thinking while still gazing of people in the middle class
And wondered to myself.........
.......Why we hear the deeds of rich and misfortune of the poor yet un-heeded of the in between?
So shamefulness does set in while smiling at the moon
And wondered to myself.........
.......Why we hear words of hope and ever doubting spouts yet certain love and friendship waiting ever patiently standing right in front of you?
So clarity of situation nicely settles in
And wondered to myself........
.......Why we ever wish for more?
current mood: creative
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| Monday, December 20th, 2004
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6:58 pm - Song on the Radio
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As I was driving home I heard this song on the radio. It sorta got stuck in my head and I don't have it here. So I thought to post the lyrics. :)
Dashboard Confessionals
Vindicated
Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated
{Chorus}
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me
So isoloated, so motivated
I am certain now that
{Chorus}
So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away (3x)
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away (4x)
{Chorus}
Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...
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| Sunday, December 19th, 2004
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9:17 pm - Shopping with Mom.....
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Shopping with mom is a bit less of a scam than with dad. Most of the time she was off getting lost somewhere, but I think we had a nice time picking out gifts together. Our first stop when we got to the mall was the book store how I love that place. I could spend hours in there just trying to find the right one for myself let alone something for somebody else.
Then to Herbregers, where my mother and I found the cutest little outfits for the girls. Not to mention getting an extra ten percent off for applying for their department store charge card that I won't be approved for anyway. Little do they know huh.....hehe
Next to Vanity my shop of all shops that I love.....they have the cutest clothes there, I can always find something in there that I absolutely adore. Sure enough I found something I think my sister will like as well. :)
Then to JC Penny's where I put to use my sweet little gift from the bank to use. But not before I got the boys something(when I say boys I mean my son and my sister's boyfriends son) Got them each a nice sweater and pair of pants. I as I was heading to the front to cash out, I passed this rack with an oh so cute grey suit I fell in love with, that was in my ever petite size of 3.....I gawked at it for a moment and remembered the rules to the gift the bank had given. So I grabbed it from the rack tried it on, sweet fit, so it had found a new home as well. :) Next my brother's girlfriend, I have no clue what she likes but I have noticed she's been wearing a lot of sweaters....so guess what I got her.
Onward to K-mart to find few last things for the kids(Devin included) Also I needed a set of precision screwdrivers and ended up getting a 50 piece set cause they didn't have a pack of just the ones I wanted. I feel bad now though cause Jesse won't have to bring me a screwdriver when ever the need arises. I also found a nice sweater for father and something for granny.
Then a quick swing into the dollar store to get Christmas stockings for the kids and a Santa hat I could wear to work this week. I suppose I should let you in on the hat I was wearing through out my day. It was this cute green elf hat with a bell on it that Corey had given me when he stopped by yesterday. So today I played elf...hehe
Then my mother and I went back to her house so I could wrap everything up, except one that I have to wait on, but in time it'll be as well. I need a bout of inspiration first and I think that shouldn't be long.
current mood:  energetic
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12:55 pm - My family in a nut shell....
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Cindy says:
Can't believe how much Destiny likes oatmeal....its weird.
Cindy says:
Know we ate it cause it sticks to your ribs when your hungry...don't recall ever really "liking it."
PreciousTime says:
really think about it how can it stick to ya ribs they are bones and it goes to the stomach hehe
Cindy says:
goofy...I used to sneak my portion to the cat. It is good for you. One of the best cholestoral fighters out there.
Next insert
Ptisms spreading city wide
Cindy says:
Gosh they have a spelling problem on this block. Pizza Hut's sign has slice spelled wrong and
Cindy says:
Papa John's sign has a bunch of letters missing.
Cindy says:
Did you know Payton got an A on his last spelling test?
wait my own seed hasn't caught it yet......hehe
And last lastly the Turkey my mother cooked the Sunday after Thanksgiving to have dinner at her house.
Cindy says:
Alison wants her turkey back.
PreciousTime says:
what
Cindy says:
Maybe we should get everyone together and cough it up.
PreciousTime says:
lol
Cindy says:
The turkey Joey gave me was Alsion's. She called me after Thanksgiving and wanted it back.
Cindy says:
I didn't know....thought she was giving it to me
Cindy says:
was "Alison's"
See my sister went north for Thanksgiving and left her turkey on the counter cause it wouldn't fit in her freezer, she called Me up a little after she left and asked if I could find a place for it, Joey brought it over to Moms. hehe oh my lovely family.......hehehehe
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10:29 am - Quote of the Day
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"If we begin with certainties, we shall end in doubts; but if we begin with doubts, and we are patient in them, we shall end in certainties."
-- Sir Francis Bacon
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